Meteor-Bites

I had some buttermilk that needed to be used, so I made some makeshift donut holes. I actually wrote down what I did this time:

2 1/2 cups flour

1 1/3 cups buttermilk (give or take)

4 tsp baking powder

1 Tbsp corn starch

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

4 tsp fake vanilla extract (1/2 that if using real vanilla)

4 Tbsp melted butter

2 Tbsp melted lard

Mix the dry ingredients, then gently mix in the wet ingredients by hand until it's a clumpy, sticky mess. I used a spring-loaded scooper, tablespoon size (I think, although it might be slightly bigger), to scoop up the clumps of mush and drop them in clean, hot cooking oil. Since I did not have enough oil in the pan to fully submerge them, after a couple of minutes, I turned them over with a holed spoon (but a deep fryer would probably work just as well here). 

Once they were brown on all sides, I drained them on some paper towel, then rolled them in sugar. After that, I put them all on a parchment paper-lined cookie sheet, which I placed in the oven for about twelve minutes at 375°F. They cooked rather quickly in the oil, so I just wanted to make sure that they were heated all the way through. This last step may or may not have actually been necessary. 

They were somewhat misshapen, hence the name, but they were good: crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, and they tasted and smelled a lot like churros. Then again, it's fried dough rolled in sugar. It's pretty hard to go wrong. 

  

The Best Damn Burgers

Here is how it is done: 

The patties are composed of ground beef, salt, pepper, garlic powder and Worchestershire sauce. Fresh meat from a butcher shop is ideal. With grocery store meat, I might add a little bit of MSG (i.e. flavor enhancer/umami), but that's just me. I tend to think that monosodium glutamate has gotten a bad rap over the years, but this ingredient is entirely optional.

Prepare a 9" x 9" baking pan (for four burgers) by lining it with aluminum foil, then cover the bottom of the pan with sliced onions and minced garlic -- plus I like to throw a whole jalapeno in there to be sliced up later. Preheat the oven to 375°F.

Heat a cast iron pan until it's visibly hot. Add a couple tablespoons or so of butter. After it melts, put the burger patties in. Keep the pan hot. Cook the burgers until they are nicely caramelized in the butter. I like to bring them as close to burnt as possible without going over, kind of like The Price is Right.

Once nicely charred, put the burgers in the prepared baking pan. I then pour all of the melted butter/pan juice over the burgers. This is how you make them juicy, charred and without any pink. They're also not greasy, because while the onions and jalapeno are cooked in all that fat, which can then be strained, the burgers aren't. Personally, I can't eat a hamburger that's not cooked all the way through, but in my experience, more often than not, a well-done burger is also dry. This solves that dilemma as well. I also added some chopped up fresh horseradish and put that on top of the burgers, and then I covered the pan tightly with aluminum foil. It cooked in the oven for about a half an hour. 

I often cook bacon on a separate pan alongside it, since the oven's already on anyway, and because I'm from the Midwest. If I put the bacon in five minutes or so after the burgers, then they're usually done at about the same time. 

This evening, I made these hamburgers and served them on some homemade wheat rolls. I challenge you to try this, and then see if you can make a better burger than that. These are so good that I don't even put cheese on them -- and like I said, I'm from the Midwest. 

I might also recommend a bruschetta composed of shredded carrots, chopped tomatoes, chopped mild green chilis, garlic, basil and green olives to top it off. Sometimes I cook a whole tomato in there with the burgers, too. It's messy, but it tastes a lot better than ketchup.